Apparently someone's granddad went to an ATF who knew someone who works in ATF Ops (where I work now). Anyway, he was quite the storyteller when I tracked him down. Personally, I think it's pretty accurate. I copied it down as close to the original dialect as I could.
"Well now, jest set ye down here where it's warm and listen to the tale I'ma gonna tell ya."
"Ye've heerd of ol' Pecos Bill and hims doin' all sorts of outlandish tomfoolery. He done lasso'ed the moon fer his ladylove, grew up with the coyotes, and dug the Rio Grande, all the way to Mexico. By golly, he was sumthin."
"But no one ever tells ya 'bout his cousins. They be a right courageous folk, taming a beast so big and feersum, that it makes poor grammy here pale ev'ry time ye mention it. Y'see, it's been growin up these past years, gittin' bigger and more cunnin' all the time. But these folks be right professional in there dealings with it."
"It be called ATF Operations, the meanest cuss of a tornado you ever did see. It's got all kinds of whirlin's and whiskin's, all twisted up into a nasty ordeal of logistical storminess, but them folks handle it like a walk in the park, all dressed up fancy while they do it too.
"First off, they've got that Chris Lay fella, him 'n his lovely little wife there, they hold the thing steady with their lassos. Then the rest of the crew come in, all efficient like, and set up the riggin's lickety split, binding that thing up so tight that it don't know which way to go. Sure, it whips around and lashes out a bit, like I say it's a tornado of a thing, but they just do what they do, all nice an' purdy like. Mighty clean job they do too if I do say so, considering the, "cacophonous" nature of it. (He nods his head at me, knowingly)
"Then their fearless leader, they call him “mister cool”, well, he climbs up into that saddle, all hootin' and hollerin', jes like a right bull-rider, big ol' smile on his face, enjoyin' the view an' all. Yup, that crew rides the thing clear across the whole big country, all the way out to Californee an' back, half a dozen times or so. Then, when it's jest about plum tuckered out, they take it back down to good ol' Texas (one o' the only states big enough fer it t' live in). There they unstrap it, lock it up in its pen, and right put it t' sleep until it gets all antsy to come out agin in a year or so."
"First off, they've got that Chris Lay fella, him 'n his lovely little wife there, they hold the thing steady with their lassos. Then the rest of the crew come in, all efficient like, and set up the riggin's lickety split, binding that thing up so tight that it don't know which way to go. Sure, it whips around and lashes out a bit, like I say it's a tornado of a thing, but they just do what they do, all nice an' purdy like. Mighty clean job they do too if I do say so, considering the, "cacophonous" nature of it. (He nods his head at me, knowingly)
"Then their fearless leader, they call him “mister cool”, well, he climbs up into that saddle, all hootin' and hollerin', jes like a right bull-rider, big ol' smile on his face, enjoyin' the view an' all. Yup, that crew rides the thing clear across the whole big country, all the way out to Californee an' back, half a dozen times or so. Then, when it's jest about plum tuckered out, they take it back down to good ol' Texas (one o' the only states big enough fer it t' live in). There they unstrap it, lock it up in its pen, and right put it t' sleep until it gets all antsy to come out agin in a year or so."
"I tell ya, it's quite a sight, them ridin' inta town like that. It's like nothin' you ain't ever seen before, an' might never see agin."
"I seen 'em though, an' that's the honest truth."
- From the WoodStove Tales of Ol' Man Whittaker
Hope you enjoyed it, I had fun writing it.
Peter
Hahahahahaha. Quite entertaining. I pictured you all dressed as cowboys. Heh.
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